


Boarding school

by DrCormier



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Boarding School, F/F, Problems, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 23:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5517284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrCormier/pseuds/DrCormier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something new about Delphine Cormier. I decided to write two chapter's shot when it's about Delphine's words about suicide, when she was trying to do something to Shay.<br/>Everything is before Cosima, some things may be different.<br/>WARNING! May be blood and depression.</p>
<p>I hope you will like this version of Delphine's words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

„You know…”, she started, looking at scared, blonde woman who was sitting on the couch and looking at the ground. Shay tilted her head, Delphine saw tears in her eyes. „When I was at boarding school, there was a girl I knew… Very well. And she attempted suicide. She slit her wrists in the bath tub, but it wasn’t enough. She should have cut the metatarsal arteries on the top of her feet too.”, she finished, smiling lightly, sitting on the corner of the bath tub. She was thinking…

Waking up. Shower. Getting dressed. Make up. Pretending that everything is okay. Smiling from time to time in case someone might know. That was Delphine Cormier’s life. She was 18 years old and nothing looked like it. French was very mature, very serious. She didn’t act like most of the people in her age. Always serious, always good – that what her mother used to say about Delphine Cormier.

But today… Today was different. Today was the time when Delphine was completely different. Blonde was complaining, almost crying, she was fighting and trying to stay in her room all the time.

„Delphine, you need to pull yourself together. What is going on with you?”, her mother, Jaqueline asked her, standing in the middle of Delphine’s room.

„ _Maman,_ do I have to study there? I really don’t like this. Please. I would do everything. I really hate this place…”, blonde started, but she knew, that she doesn’t have any chance to win with Jaqueline.

„Delphine, what are you talking about? This is the best university with science programme in France. You need to.”

„ _Maman,_ please. Why are you doing this? I can go to America to study. Or Canada. I don’t belong to that place an…”, she was trying to tell her everything. About her feelings, loneliness, horrible days… But her mother cut her sentence.

„Enough, Delphine. You need to pull yourself together. You’re starting second year and you will finish these studies whether you like ir or not.And now pack yourself.”, Jaqueline said firmly, leaving her only daugther in cold coloured room.

Moment later, Delphine fell down the floor and burst into tears. Nobody knew how she was hurt. A little more knew her best friend Audrey. The rest of people, her family? They didn’t want to know. Her mother was cold like always. Blonde was always wondering if she really doesn’t see her fake smile, red eyes and crying in the middle of the night.

What was the reason? Delphine Cormier was extremely lonely and she was in pain. She wanted to have love, any love. Unhappy love. Bad love. Forbidden love. Sometimes person has everything and for real has nothing. Sometimes to be happy, you need only one thing – love. Delicate people don’t handle their life without the loved one. Delphine Cormier was delicate. She has been living on this world for the past 18 years and nothing happened. Zero miracles. Everyday alone, always alone…

„I’m packed, mother.”, she came downstairs and looked at Jaqueline.

„Good. You will go with Antoinette, I can’t go with you to the train station.”, Jaqueline replied, looking at her makeup.

„Okay, _maman._ Au revoir. I will see you on Christmas.”, Delphine came forward her mother and kissed her in both cheeks. Jaqueline did the same thing.

It was always like that between them. Cold kisses, firm words. Jaqueline didn’t know how to talk with her daughter. Delphine didn’t have any troubles and that was enough for her. Also the blonde girl didn’t force her mother to talk to her. Better was to be alone than be fake with Jaqueline. Delphine Cormier took her bags and followed Antoinette.

 

***

 

„How was your holiday, Delphine?! God, I missed your face so much! How are you?!”, Audrey screamed when she recognized blonde’s face.

„Oh _mon Dieu!_ Audrey, hey! I’m okay… You know. Life is not easy with my mother. And dad… He is always not at home. You know…”, Delphine looked at the ground with tears in her eyes.

„Oh, darling, I’m sorry. Not it’s gonna be better. Come on, we’re going to our room.”, Audrey took Delphine’s hand and pulled her with herself.

„Oui… It’s gonna be okay…”, Delphine said with sadness.

Moment later they were in the dorm, in their room. Everything was the same just how Delphine left it. Her bed was on the left side, right under the window. The blonde just loved looking at the sky in the night, that was the reason.

To be honest, that was the only thing Delphine Cormier loved. The sky didn’t jugde. The sky was listening and stars were her only friend, loyal friend.

Next to the bed there were books, shelves and on the other side there was huge wardrobe for both of the girls.

„Wow, nothing changed.”, Audrey smiled. „Hey, there is the party tonight. Do you want to go there?”

„Um… Do we have to?”, Delphine looked at her friend. She was unpacking her stuff, clothes and books to read.

„Oh come on! Del, I love you, you’re like my sister. Let’s have at least a little fun. Please…”, Audrey looked with this angelic sight and Delphine just rolled her eyes.

„D’accord. I agree.”, Delphine smiled lightly.

 

****

****


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I haven't been here for such a long time. But finally I gathered my power and will and I'm going to finish Delphine's college story. I would say "enjoy", but as you know, people who read the first part, it's not gonna be nice. More... bloody.

The party was in the guys' dorm. Delphine was so surprised that they cleaned. She looked at excited Audrey and smiled. At least she had fun... The blonde took some drinks for her and her best friend. Area started being very crowdy, music very loud and people very drunk. Delphine sighed. It wasn't what she was looking for. She wasn't wild type. She was never this kind of person.

"Oh my God!", Audrey screamed. "Delphine! There is Xavier! _Mon Dieu!_  I just need to talk to him."

"Audrey!You promised not to leave me. What am I supposed to do here? I really don't talk to any of those people.", she sighed.

"Oh Delphine! Be a good bestie. I cannot lose this opportunity...", Audrey looked at the blonde with those puppy eyes and she just couldn't resist. Somewhere deep in her heart she knew... She knew it was not a good idea. But she just nodded.

"Okay, okay. Just go, Audrey.", her weak smile appeared on her very pale skin. Audrey screamed and hugged Delphine very tight.

"Aw, merci, merci, merci!", Audrey was so happy that Delphine couldn't not smile. 

When she was gone, the blonde looked around.  _What am I doing here?_ She finished her drink and used the restroom. It wasn't nice experience.  _Maybe they cleaned the dorm, but not the restrooms. Merde!_ She didn't feel good. The blonde decided to escape and smoke a cigarette. 

Delphine went outside. It was rather rainy weather.  _That's correct. October. The weather just for my aching soul,_ she laughed helplessly. She took the cigarettes out from her red leather jacket and picked one. She lit it and took a long, slow drag. When she blew it out, she looked at the gray smoke coming into the fresh, rainy air. Delphine loved the smell of the air after the rain.  _I could be this air... Free and happy._ She didn't know how long she was standing there. Audrey was busy making out with Xavier, that's what Delphine noticed, looking through the dorm's patio window. She sighed heavily. Second cigarette.

"Do you need a company?", someone behind her back asked. It was a guy from the party. She noticed him before. Long, black coat, messy hair, blue eyes, shy smile. He looked completely  _non-francouis._

"Well, I don't know. Do you need a cigarette?", she asked the guestion by asking a question what made him smile. "I'm Delphine."

"Sure. Thanks.", he accepted this small gift and stood next to the blonde. "I'm Jason. And you don't seem happy.", he said. His coat was touching muddy ground, but Jason didn't care. Apparently.  _American._

"What can I say to you, my friend?", Delphine started, looking blurry at him. Strong drink started buzzing in her head. Plus cigarettes. Dangerous mix. "I am alone at the party, my friend left me for the guy and I'm here, standing alone and talking to the stranger. How can I be happy?", she heard his laughter.

"Hm, I didn't mean that unhappiness. I meant that you're unhappy in general. In your life.", he stated.

"What are you talking about?", she scoffed. He was too dangerous in her opinion. _You shouldn't go too far, ami..._

 _"_ Don't be upset, I'm not trying to laugh at you or bother you. I just know when people are not happy in their life. Let's say I have the gift.", he said mysteriously. "So tell me Delphine? Why are you unhappy?"

"Come on. I should just com-", she started.

"Please, stop. Don't leave. Look, I know your type. And we both know that you don't have anybody to talk about that. Your friend knows something, but you don't want to bother her and her college life. Your mom is probably... stiff? Firm?", Jason suggested. Delphine's mimic must have said everything, because he continued. "And dad is never home. Add to that, you don't have any siblings and the only person who really cares about you at home is... a maid? Am I right?"

"Wow.", the blonde only said. "You are good, Jason.", she admitted. Jasond seemed to be a lot individualistic, shy yet careless. Weird type...

"As you see, you will probably not get another chance to talk to someone who understands you as good as I understand your situation.", he said, smiling lightly.

"Okay then. _D'accord_. But to do that", Delphine started, "I need another cigarette.", she pulled out the pack from her pocket again.

"Damn, do you have some titan lungs or something?", he laughed.

"French thing, Jason. Care to take another one?", the blonde proposed.

"One more you're saying? If you are smoking, I can keep you company in this lungs' murder.", he took the long stick and looked at it like it was really some awul murderer. Delphine laughed and made the scary face. "So? As you said to me - care to take another one... Do you care to share the secret?"

"Oui. If something sounds cheesy to you, it's not my fault.", she just warned. "One day, 18 yers ago, one little, blonde girl came to this world. And from the beginning till the today's day, her life is a big shit. Her mother and father don't even care about her, as you said. The only person she knows something is her friend and now, some strange guy named Jason in the black coat like from Matrix.", she took a drag and continued. "She has been doing some meaningless shit for her whole life like ballet, Spanish class, many, many, many banquets, and other bullshit. And to be sincere with you right now, my friend, she has never cursed so fucking much like in that moment.", she admitted.

"Wow, that's unus-"

"Look at this. Our little freak Jason is here.", someone interrupted them. Two very tall guys.  _I bet two jerks from the baseball team who are bullying weaker boy..._

 _"_ I would like to welcome Flip and Flap. And their brains.", Jason screamed. "I apologize pretty lady for what will come next.", he said. Delphine just shrugged her arms.

"Oh come on, I think he is laughing at us. Is he laughing at us, Tom?"

"I think he is, Jeff. Maybe we should show him that he picked very wrong target.", they both came forward Jason and looked at him.

"Do you know what's the best in jerk's behaviours like yours? They don't know...", he said slowly, aiming his pocket. "that someone small.... can have something really powerful."

Delphine didn't understand what happened. It was that fast. She just noticed the silver part of the gun in Jason's hand, scared faces of two douchebags and their running. Then she looked at Jason again. He just put the gun again in his coat pocket. 

"What the hell was that, Jason?!"

"Don't you worry. I wouldn't hurt... t h e m.", she said slowly. "Neither I do hurt you. It's just... Such a small guy like me has to have something that has power. And amazing coincedence is that... The gun has.", Jason smiled lightly.

"Wow. I didn't expect that."

"Whatever, love. So, where did we stop? Oh, right. Your not-cursing life. That's interesting.", Jason agreed.

"Yeah, well. That's my life. And in my shitty, meaningless, goalless life I would give everything for a slight sight of love.", she said. In the same time Jason scoffed. "What? I told you it will be cheesy and stupid!", Delphine crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him hatefully.

"Oh no, no. I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing how helpless we both are. Do you think what I was looking for my whole life? How pathetic it is? We are like 18, 19 years old, we act more mature than people from our college. Add to that, we have shitty parents and studies we didn't want to. We just need someone who would love us and be with us no matter what. So sometimes in the deepest depression while we are staring at the ceiling in out shitty dorm rooms all we want to do is-"

"Kill ourselves."

"Kill ourselves", they both said in the same moment.  _Kill ourselves..._

"Look at that. We're telephatic suicidals.", Jason laughed again. But it wasn't happy laughter. It was far, far from enjoying life.

"Have you... Did you...", Delphine started, looking down. She felt tears in her eyes.

"Yes. I tried. And I will over and over again, because I know I will never find what I'm looking for. Love nowadays is just a stupid illusion. It's something that doesn't exist anymore. Look at those jerks inside. All they need in their life is getting laid and being drunk. No offense for your friend. I don't know her. The thing is, I don't want to live anymore. And one day, sooner or later, hurting myself will not be enough. Then I will take the gun and I will fucking shot myself straight into my stupid head!", he screamed. She noticed tears in his eyes too.

And then? Then she didn't exactly remember what happened. Delphine felt completely anything, but emptiness in the aching heart. Suddenly Jason was gone and she was in her dorm room. The blonde was acting like a ghost. She barerly got to the bed. Thin French took off her clothes and looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She started laughing at herself.

"What are you looking at, blondie?!", she said to her mirror image. "You. Are. Pathetic. Kill youself right now. Kill. Yourself.". she emphasized every word. Pale twin from the mirror was completely right. 

She knew what to do.  _You are helpless, pathetic human trash. Nobody wants you. Nobody cares about you. Look at yourself and do it, for fuck's sake._ Hot water in the bathtub. Naked Delphine grabbed the razor blader from the locker and got into the liquid.

"You. Are. Pathetic!", three words, three deep cuts on wrist. Vertical, not horizontal. She knew what she was doing. "Look how pathetic you are!", three more cuts, this time flatter.

Blood burst uncontrollably from her pulsing wrist. One more wrist left. They cannot rescue her. She will not let it happen. Another carpus, even more blood.  The water wasn't transparent anymore. It was burgundy and smelled like iron. Young French felt spinning, and spinning in her head. She looked around with blurry sight and started laughing like crazy. Blood. Blood. Blood. She started licking her limbs and soon her lips looked like vampire's. The cuts showed her inside, she saw vains. Vains.

 _What are you doing?! Oh my God!_ Delphine thought she saw someone. An angel? It was a girl, she was glowing like the angel. God? 

_Hold on! Please, don't die!_

Wild, curly, black hair.

_Somebody help me! She's dying!_

Eyelinered eyes. 

_Oh God, so much blood!_

Thic trimmed cat glasses.

_Don't worry! Help is coming! You will survive this!_

 

_The action of killing oneself intentionally._

That's the term for suicide in Oxford dictionary. But the words cannot describe what's behind this. Never ending pain. Atempting suicide is even worse. Because then you have to try again till you do it.

 


End file.
